Last night I was at a play and I kept getting these animalistic urges to yell. It was really quite unnerving. I might be a ham, an attention whore, and just loud in general, but I'm not crazy. Half the time I didn't even know the things that I was thinking when I caught myself in the conscious act of not yelling them. It felt like I was in a state of semi-control, and those parts of your brain where instinct hides were messing with me.
Today I was walking behind an old lady, and the same thing happened again. This time I caught myself wanting to yell "Hey, OLD LADY!" and just scare the shit out of her (probably literally). Again, I was surprised with myself. I've never had these urges before, and its actually quite scary. I'm afraid that one time I won't catch myself, and some innocent old lady will ruin her underwear.
If I was literally going to scare the shit out of someone, I would pick a baby or an old person, because they might be wearing a diaper anyway.
Reason Number 1,023 Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
I can only articulate my thoughts in short guttural bursts of unintelligible shouting.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Podcast! Say What?
Here's a little diddy, 'bout three dudes talkin' in a room and then posting it on the internet.
I just did a podcast with my roommates Mikey Filmmaker and Julian (Incrediblack) for Mike's post-O.S.C.A.R. showcase. It was fun, and ultimately long-winded, but check it out if you have a free minute.
Reason Number 53 Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
My middle name is not "Cougar" or anything vaguely awesome.
I just did a podcast with my roommates Mikey Filmmaker and Julian (Incrediblack) for Mike's post-O.S.C.A.R. showcase. It was fun, and ultimately long-winded, but check it out if you have a free minute.
Reason Number 53 Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
My middle name is not "Cougar" or anything vaguely awesome.
Friday, February 22, 2008
You Down With OPB?
Okay, so with my best pretentious face, and in my most condescending, self-important tone, the following are my Holy O.S.C.A.R. Predictions. Marvel at them.
Look at it this way: It’s down to Juno or Michael Clayton in this category. Without a win here, one of these will go home empty handed – it’s going to be Juno. I hate Diablo Cody.
Best Documentary – Feature: No End In Sight
Best Documentary - Short Subject: Sari’s Mother
Best Film Editing: No Country for Old Men
Best Foreign Language Film: The Counterfeiters
Best Makeup: Pirates of the
Best Original Song: "Falling Slowly" in Once
Best Original Score: Atonement
Best Short – Animated: Peter and the Wolf
Best Short - Live Action: Le Mozart Des Pickpockets
Best Sound Mixing: No Country for Old Men
Best Sound Editing: There Will Be Blood
Best Visual Effects: Transformers
Reason Number 200 Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
Because I am predicting it, and my predictions are always right.
The O.S.C.A.R.'s
If you read this blog, you'll know that very recently I discovered that Film is probably the most important thing ever created, the embodiment of the Meaning of Life, and most likely the manifestation of God him/her-self. I had an inkling of it, but it wasn't until I got swept up in the annual "Day of Days" hoopla, that i finally realized it.
This weekend at the holiest of holy places, The Kodak Theatre in Los Angeles, God will firmly place a finger on the head of 24 "winners" and deem them worthy of entering paradise. It's the O.S.C.A.R.'s, ladies and gentlemen! Or as I like to call them: The Ongoing Search for Christ's Ancestral Relatives. I don't want to go to into it, but in a rush to meet his deadline for revealing himself (without actually revealing himself) God botched the creation of the film projector and had to go with something else entirely - you know him as Jesus. Blah blah blah, we all know the rest.
ANYWAY, much like the traditions of Christmas and Easter, the O.S.C.A.R.'s has its own tradition that everyone can take part in. It's THE OSCAR PREDICTION BLOG! Perhaps the most hallowed of all religious practices, the O.S.C.A.R. Prediction Blog (OPB) allows the average joe to be Condescending, Self-Important AND Humble all at once! You didn't think it was possible, did you? Well, that's the power of Film.
And because I'm an average joe who LOVES being condescending and self-important, I'm going to be posting my own OPB later on today. You'll want to scrap any plans you have to read ANY other OPB's, because this one is going to the best. It's going to be Gospel.
Reason Number 76 Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
I preach the truth, and the truth never gets recognized...until it's too late.
P.S. If you reeeeaaally want to read another OPB, you should check out Mikey Filmmaker's. He's supposedly been touched by God.
This weekend at the holiest of holy places, The Kodak Theatre in Los Angeles, God will firmly place a finger on the head of 24 "winners" and deem them worthy of entering paradise. It's the O.S.C.A.R.'s, ladies and gentlemen! Or as I like to call them: The Ongoing Search for Christ's Ancestral Relatives. I don't want to go to into it, but in a rush to meet his deadline for revealing himself (without actually revealing himself) God botched the creation of the film projector and had to go with something else entirely - you know him as Jesus. Blah blah blah, we all know the rest.
ANYWAY, much like the traditions of Christmas and Easter, the O.S.C.A.R.'s has its own tradition that everyone can take part in. It's THE OSCAR PREDICTION BLOG! Perhaps the most hallowed of all religious practices, the O.S.C.A.R. Prediction Blog (OPB) allows the average joe to be Condescending, Self-Important AND Humble all at once! You didn't think it was possible, did you? Well, that's the power of Film.
And because I'm an average joe who LOVES being condescending and self-important, I'm going to be posting my own OPB later on today. You'll want to scrap any plans you have to read ANY other OPB's, because this one is going to the best. It's going to be Gospel.
Reason Number 76 Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
I preach the truth, and the truth never gets recognized...until it's too late.
P.S. If you reeeeaaally want to read another OPB, you should check out Mikey Filmmaker's. He's supposedly been touched by God.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
The Birds
So, I'm reading this book called "The World Without Us" by a dude named Alan Weisman. The premise of the book is "what if human beings completely and instantly vanished from the Earth". It's a ton of research into what we have done to our planet, and what will continue to happen without our presence. A lot of the stuff is way over my head, but it makes me feel smart to read it, and I feel really good when I write about it in my blog.
Anyway, I just finished this part about birds - in particular, how many birds die every year from man-made problems. Read 'em and weep (if you like birds): 1 billion (yeah, a billion) break their necks when they fly into windows; 60-80 million wind up in the grill of your SUV; 500 million see the blinking red lights of a radio tower before they hit the actual tower; and 210 million are killed by domesticated cats in rural WISCONSIN alone. Add that up and it's a gigantic pile of dead birds. In fact, you could probably fill up the entire shit-state ofWisconsin
It's our manifest destiny. The birds outnumber us, and we need to dwindle their numbers. We cannot risk the bird population banding together to destroy us. I mean, you don't think that if the birds are the closest relative to DINOSAURS that they can't evolutionize again and become the masterminds of the downfall of humanity? Think about it: birds can FLY. Humans had to build planes before they could fly, and that took FOREVER. If birds can figure out how to combine their ability to fly with mutant talons strong enough to hold nuclear warheads we are FUCKED. Trust me. Hitchcock knew something.
If you are ever in the position to vote for more windows, cats, radio towers or cars, I say "DO IT". Instead of killing two birds with one stone, we'll be killing about a billion with one gigantic boulder.
Reason Number 476 Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
Birds will strategically mutate their talons to hold nuclear bombs; the world will subsequently end before I can finish my magnum opus.
Anyway, I just finished this part about birds - in particular, how many birds die every year from man-made problems. Read 'em and weep (if you like birds): 1 billion (yeah, a billion) break their necks when they fly into windows; 60-80 million wind up in the grill of your SUV; 500 million see the blinking red lights of a radio tower before they hit the actual tower; and 210 million are killed by domesticated cats in rural WISCONSIN alone. Add that up and it's a gigantic pile of dead birds. In fact, you could probably fill up the entire shit-state of
It's our manifest destiny. The birds outnumber us, and we need to dwindle their numbers. We cannot risk the bird population banding together to destroy us. I mean, you don't think that if the birds are the closest relative to DINOSAURS that they can't evolutionize again and become the masterminds of the downfall of humanity? Think about it: birds can FLY. Humans had to build planes before they could fly, and that took FOREVER. If birds can figure out how to combine their ability to fly with mutant talons strong enough to hold nuclear warheads we are FUCKED. Trust me. Hitchcock knew something.
If you are ever in the position to vote for more windows, cats, radio towers or cars, I say "DO IT". Instead of killing two birds with one stone, we'll be killing about a billion with one gigantic boulder.
Reason Number 476 Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
Birds will strategically mutate their talons to hold nuclear bombs; the world will subsequently end before I can finish my magnum opus.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Making your life easier...
Since I am a super, extremely nice person, I am going to make it SUPER convenient for you wonderful people (all 4 of you) to read my blog. Now, I'm not talking about having it downloaded into your brain, or me printing it out and reading to you - NO, I'm talking about an RSS Reader. (If you are already viewing this blog through an RSS feed, then I apologize: this post is old news to you)
An RSS (Really Simple Syndication) Reader is basically a tool that can compile blogs, news headlines, or any internet page that gets updated (and chooses to have an RSS Feed). Instead of going to the actual page of the blog, the entry is simply fed into your own little RSS "homepage" so you can read all your favorite (ie ME) blogs in one place.
The first step in doing this is to get a Google Account. There are others, but this is the one I use and personally endorse. If Google was a person you would hate him/her because it is everything you want to be, but have no chance in hell of ever being. I would say sign up for G-Mail, if you haven't already. I know you have an e-mail address already, but G-Mail is the future so get with the cool kids.
Okay, so now that you've signed up for a G-Mail account, you have the option of using Google's other wonderful features. I can go more into those later, but all we care about right now is the RSS Reader.
Now, since you're reading this at my site (and using Firefox)(which is WAY better than Internet Explorer) you should see a little picture of an orange square on the RIGHT side of the address bar. This is a button that signifies the page has an
RSS feed. Simply CLICK that Orange RSS Button, and you are brought to a page which allows you to choose between "Add to Google Homepage" or "Add to Google Reader". Add it to Google Reader (which is my preferred usage) and BAM you are SET.
It's THAT simple. So when you decide to check your G-Mail, use the link at the top of the page that says "More" and then click "Reader" which takes you to your RSS page, and find out if I posted a new blog (I probably didn't, but hey, you never know!). You can also just as easily go to www.google.com/reader if you don't feel like checking your G-Mail.
The Google RSS Reader is my gift to you (I'm re-gifting it from Google) on this day, February 20, 2008. You are welcome.
Reason Number 9 Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
Google will probably take over the world and banish me to Antarctica. I will end up writing for Penguin Monthly, but the salary will be too low, and I won't be able to afford the proper warm clothing. I will freeze to death.
An RSS (Really Simple Syndication) Reader is basically a tool that can compile blogs, news headlines, or any internet page that gets updated (and chooses to have an RSS Feed). Instead of going to the actual page of the blog, the entry is simply fed into your own little RSS "homepage" so you can read all your favorite (ie ME) blogs in one place.
The first step in doing this is to get a Google Account. There are others, but this is the one I use and personally endorse. If Google was a person you would hate him/her because it is everything you want to be, but have no chance in hell of ever being. I would say sign up for G-Mail, if you haven't already. I know you have an e-mail address already, but G-Mail is the future so get with the cool kids.
Okay, so now that you've signed up for a G-Mail account, you have the option of using Google's other wonderful features. I can go more into those later, but all we care about right now is the RSS Reader.
Now, since you're reading this at my site (and using Firefox)(which is WAY better than Internet Explorer) you should see a little picture of an orange square on the RIGHT side of the address bar. This is a button that signifies the page has an
RSS feed. Simply CLICK that Orange RSS Button, and you are brought to a page which allows you to choose between "Add to Google Homepage" or "Add to Google Reader". Add it to Google Reader (which is my preferred usage) and BAM you are SET.It's THAT simple. So when you decide to check your G-Mail, use the link at the top of the page that says "More" and then click "Reader" which takes you to your RSS page, and find out if I posted a new blog (I probably didn't, but hey, you never know!). You can also just as easily go to www.google.com/reader if you don't feel like checking your G-Mail.
The Google RSS Reader is my gift to you (I'm re-gifting it from Google) on this day, February 20, 2008. You are welcome.
Reason Number 9 Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
Google will probably take over the world and banish me to Antarctica. I will end up writing for Penguin Monthly, but the salary will be too low, and I won't be able to afford the proper warm clothing. I will freeze to death.
Revelations!
Okay, so let's not even talk about it. You know what I'm talking about. Let's just move on. (I'm talking about my lack of blog postings, if you haven't guessed) Ahh, damn, I shouldn't have even said anything.
So, you know, the Oscar's are coming up. I wonder what percentage of the population cares and/or talks as much about the Oscar's as the people I know. I know that I live in a bubble. It's a bubble populated by my film-degree roommates, the city of Los Angeles, and my girlfriend that has a library of movies IN HER BRAIN. My life (for better or worse) has a lot of film in it. In my world-view movies are important. Without them I would not be where I am in life. Hell, I have no clue where I am right now anyway, but I know I wouldn't be here. So, I guess I owe a certain amount to (capital- F) Film.
But what is film to the rest of the world? Jumping out of my body I would say that film is rather meaningless, and unnecessary, but that is a HUGE gut reaction. In fact, I take that back. No, film, as a form of entertainment, is HUGELY important. We need escape from our daily lives, because if we sincerely had to focus on the grind, life would seem meaningless. Film gives us meaning. Film is AWESOME.
Wow, I am really doing the right thing with my life. I am bringing the people what they NEED. It's not about fame, or my ego, it's about the PEOPLE! THE PEOPLE! I should run for president. Or I should make a FILM about running for president. THAT'S IT! And then, when the film is done THAT will be my campaign. People will not be able to resist voting for me, because they will have seen the meaning of life, and in seeing it they will KNOW it, and the world will be a BETTER place. And then the PEOPLE will make me their emperor. And I will be a kind emperor, but I will make them bow to me. When I am emperor the world will recognize me, and they will embrace me, because I have brought meaning to their mundane lives. They will have seen my film, and it will have broken language barriers and torn down the walls of prejudice! The world will at once unite in PEACE! Holding hands we shall be one, and the one true God will un-spool from the Heavens, and we shall see that God is Film and Film is God.
This is the nature of all things. I have seen it in a vision.
Reason Number ∞ Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
I saw it in a vision. Duh.
So, you know, the Oscar's are coming up. I wonder what percentage of the population cares and/or talks as much about the Oscar's as the people I know. I know that I live in a bubble. It's a bubble populated by my film-degree roommates, the city of Los Angeles, and my girlfriend that has a library of movies IN HER BRAIN. My life (for better or worse) has a lot of film in it. In my world-view movies are important. Without them I would not be where I am in life. Hell, I have no clue where I am right now anyway, but I know I wouldn't be here. So, I guess I owe a certain amount to (capital- F) Film.
But what is film to the rest of the world? Jumping out of my body I would say that film is rather meaningless, and unnecessary, but that is a HUGE gut reaction. In fact, I take that back. No, film, as a form of entertainment, is HUGELY important. We need escape from our daily lives, because if we sincerely had to focus on the grind, life would seem meaningless. Film gives us meaning. Film is AWESOME.
Wow, I am really doing the right thing with my life. I am bringing the people what they NEED. It's not about fame, or my ego, it's about the PEOPLE! THE PEOPLE! I should run for president. Or I should make a FILM about running for president. THAT'S IT! And then, when the film is done THAT will be my campaign. People will not be able to resist voting for me, because they will have seen the meaning of life, and in seeing it they will KNOW it, and the world will be a BETTER place. And then the PEOPLE will make me their emperor. And I will be a kind emperor, but I will make them bow to me. When I am emperor the world will recognize me, and they will embrace me, because I have brought meaning to their mundane lives. They will have seen my film, and it will have broken language barriers and torn down the walls of prejudice! The world will at once unite in PEACE! Holding hands we shall be one, and the one true God will un-spool from the Heavens, and we shall see that God is Film and Film is God.
This is the nature of all things. I have seen it in a vision.
Reason Number ∞ Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
I saw it in a vision. Duh.
Friday, February 8, 2008
To Link is to Think!
I didn't want to do a "links" post, because the point of this blog is for me to write original material; to be creative. However, the wheel is not always turning with creative waters, so I have decided to start a weekly links feature that I will call "To Link is to Think". Yes, QUITE lame, I know. Anyhow, this feature will be comprised of sites or blogs that I have visited during the week that sparked my imagination, or made me feel smarter when I was done reading.
For the inaugural "To Link is to Think" I will lead you to to The Edge Annual Question for 2008. What might this be? Well, here's your answer:
"One hundred and sixty-five eminent thinkers, researchers, and communicators, at the annual request of the edge.org website, answered the following question: "What Have You Changed Your Mind About? Why?"
Basically it's short essays from 165 from some of the most respected scholars of today, recounting what they have changed their minds about. Read that again: CHANGED their minds about. It's fascinating and humbling to read what these people, who are regarded as experts in their fields, and looked to specifically for their knowledge and opinions, have been made to rethink. The essays are well-written, and while most are WAY over my head, they do a great job of explaining the more complicated parts for us lay-people. At the very least the essays get your mind going, and hopefully they will inspire you. Maybe they will inspire you to change your mind about something.
Check out Kevin Kelly's blog as well. He's a contributer to the Edge question, and that's how I found the site in the first place.
Check out the blogs and enjoy your Friday! And remember "To Link is to Think!" Or, wait, that was stupid...
Reason Number 5,419 Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
I spend my free time trying to figure out what really smart people are actually thinking.
For the inaugural "To Link is to Think" I will lead you to to The Edge Annual Question for 2008. What might this be? Well, here's your answer:
"One hundred and sixty-five eminent thinkers, researchers, and communicators, at the annual request of the edge.org website, answered the following question: "What Have You Changed Your Mind About? Why?"
Basically it's short essays from 165 from some of the most respected scholars of today, recounting what they have changed their minds about. Read that again: CHANGED their minds about. It's fascinating and humbling to read what these people, who are regarded as experts in their fields, and looked to specifically for their knowledge and opinions, have been made to rethink. The essays are well-written, and while most are WAY over my head, they do a great job of explaining the more complicated parts for us lay-people. At the very least the essays get your mind going, and hopefully they will inspire you. Maybe they will inspire you to change your mind about something.
Check out Kevin Kelly's blog as well. He's a contributer to the Edge question, and that's how I found the site in the first place.
Check out the blogs and enjoy your Friday! And remember "To Link is to Think!" Or, wait, that was stupid...
Reason Number 5,419 Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
I spend my free time trying to figure out what really smart people are actually thinking.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Wow, the last time I wrote in this thing was Thursday night. It must look like my dedication to the craft disappeared over the weekend. Rest assured it has not.
Writing is a strange thing. There are many ways to get words on the page. At times it feels almost effortless, and at times the blank page seems to taunt. The blank page tortures me now, but it will not prevail.
Over the weekend a story started to come to me. I was going for a walk after the Super Bowl (I felt I owed it to my heart for clogging its arteries the entire day), and the opening scene of the screenplay flashed in my head. Then - characters came. I could hear their dialog. I could see their flaws. The story moved forward and backward as I spied on these people. And it was fun! I hadn't felt that way since I started writing a previous (but still unfinished) screenplay.
Nothing can beat the rush of a new idea. When you are overcome with it, you just have to put it on the page. So, at the behest of my cholesterol-lined insides, I headed home.
Opening up my laptop I began to type in a fury. My brain was hardwired to my fingertips, and to tell the truth I didn't even know what I wrote until I looked at it the next day. I mean, I had an idea, but I was trying to tell my roommate and I sounded like a complete idiot. I was speaking in tongues. After trying to describe to him the idea, I gave up and went back to writing.
It had been a long day. The Super Bowl is a recipe for exhaustion caused by doing absolutely nothing. It's like when you sleep in until 2 in the afternoon, and you think you should be wide awake, but you want to take a nap at 7 - only, with the Super Bowl you add about 3,000 calories and the effects of beer (just a few!). I think you know where this is going. After my flurry of writing madness stopped, I was too exhausted to review it and try to write more. My brain stopped functioning completely.
And now, here I am, two days later - staring at a blank screen. That is the game of writing. But if the page thinks it has beaten me, it must think again. It may think it knows all my moves, but that's because I didn't have any before. Now I'm armed with a new motivation. Writing isn't about finishing papers for class anymore, or coming up with a short scene I don't care about. Writing is LIFE now. Right? It's work and play and the future all rolled in to one. It's what I want to do. It's what I HAVE to do.
Right after I stare at this blank screen for a while...
Reason Number 427 Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
When I type with "fury" it only ends up being like 5 pages.
Writing is a strange thing. There are many ways to get words on the page. At times it feels almost effortless, and at times the blank page seems to taunt. The blank page tortures me now, but it will not prevail.
Over the weekend a story started to come to me. I was going for a walk after the Super Bowl (I felt I owed it to my heart for clogging its arteries the entire day), and the opening scene of the screenplay flashed in my head. Then - characters came. I could hear their dialog. I could see their flaws. The story moved forward and backward as I spied on these people. And it was fun! I hadn't felt that way since I started writing a previous (but still unfinished) screenplay.
Nothing can beat the rush of a new idea. When you are overcome with it, you just have to put it on the page. So, at the behest of my cholesterol-lined insides, I headed home.
Opening up my laptop I began to type in a fury. My brain was hardwired to my fingertips, and to tell the truth I didn't even know what I wrote until I looked at it the next day. I mean, I had an idea, but I was trying to tell my roommate and I sounded like a complete idiot. I was speaking in tongues. After trying to describe to him the idea, I gave up and went back to writing.
It had been a long day. The Super Bowl is a recipe for exhaustion caused by doing absolutely nothing. It's like when you sleep in until 2 in the afternoon, and you think you should be wide awake, but you want to take a nap at 7 - only, with the Super Bowl you add about 3,000 calories and the effects of beer (just a few!). I think you know where this is going. After my flurry of writing madness stopped, I was too exhausted to review it and try to write more. My brain stopped functioning completely.
And now, here I am, two days later - staring at a blank screen. That is the game of writing. But if the page thinks it has beaten me, it must think again. It may think it knows all my moves, but that's because I didn't have any before. Now I'm armed with a new motivation. Writing isn't about finishing papers for class anymore, or coming up with a short scene I don't care about. Writing is LIFE now. Right? It's work and play and the future all rolled in to one. It's what I want to do. It's what I HAVE to do.
Right after I stare at this blank screen for a while...
Reason Number 427 Why I Will Never Be A Famous Writer:
When I type with "fury" it only ends up being like 5 pages.
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